i've been in a couple of heavy-duty relationships and the subject of marriage has come up twice, and i suppose if the right woman came along it might happen, but to be honest i don't see the right woman coming along ever. i've had my heart utterly destroyed too many times, i can't deal with that shit anymore.

I'm going to ignore all of that other stuff and go straight for this:



Don't you run a corporate training company? What the fuck are you training people in?

Swordfighting? Industrial mincing machine repairs? Woodchipper safety?

Married? I'm not quite sure if I'll ever go on a date again.

Why does marriage have to equal suburbs and mini vans and mortgages? You can have all those things with or without marriage. I sure as hell know a thousand people who have marriages without those things. You know you don't have to marry MadJohnShaft.

I have been happily married for 15 years, and I have no complaints.

Marriage requires work, just like everything else in life that's enjoyable.

I'm single as all get out, I haven't even flirted with engagement, I've had several long-term relationships, but none in the past 5 years and I am 34.

And I'm never going to say never, I just feel that I am a hard person to live with and I view compromise as weakness. Unless it is something I totally do not give a shit about, then I'll compromise. Without compromise, a relationship that is in all things but name, marriage and marriage itself, will never succeed. I've seen so many friends get divorced already that I am blown away by the reasons. And I have to ask, "What on earth were you thinking to not discuss that BEFORE you got married?" And in some cases, brought children into the world.

Marriage shouldn't change ANYTHING, as long as you and your partner have been honest and upfront about your needs and desires. It is just a ceremony and a piece of paper, if you allow that to change your relationship then it was on pretty shaky ground to begin with. I don't want to discount the fact that people DO change but if your partner is your best friend these changes should come as no surprise.

I'm in no way going to ever condemn the ritual of marriage, there have been ceremonies and rituals around the joining of people for millenia and if it means something to someone who am I to tell them what to do although I feel I could be perfectly comfortable in just a "domestic partnership". MJS and Arzgarth know what's going on and it is good to see some good examples of marriage even in this collection of degenerate scumbags.

Once was enough for me.Uggg

Very true. Esp. when the hormone-levels are back to normal and everyday-life kicks in.

Most all of the idea of 'marriage' was born out of pre-christendom agrarian cultures that bound a woman to man as property -- an arranged transaction. It wasn't until the 15th century that people started getting married for love, and even that is inexorably linked with religion.

I'm saying that we are entering a new world; people don't hold sway to beliefs born out of quondam suffering and lies. Marriage has been on the chopping block for a long time now, she is in her St. Vitus dance death throes and as she slowly bleeds to death we search for another way in which man & woman may live together. I don't know what that 'way' is, but I know an outdated dictum when I see it.




Hey, Meshugg! Glad you made it :)

I think I probably will.

Proposing last month and setting a date last week kinda makes it inevitable.

done it once, might do some kinda unofficial pagan ceremony if it was important to her and she would agree to it.

for those complaining about the slavery of marriage..

it is only that way if you marry the wrong girl (which I experienced)
married now for 2nd time and couldn't be happier. I am happy to call her my wife.

Very true!

4 years married, 2 kids and a mortgage. Happy enough with my lot so far I must say. Been with my wife since I was 17, I basically just nicked one of my best mate's sister - seems to have worked out ok!

Not that I have any reason for it, but I think positive: It may just happen one day.


As for original post: 'now that it seems to be acceptable to not be married'. America really still lives in the 19th century, isn't it? In North-Western Europe it's okay to live together un-married for 30 years or more. The complete equallity in tax regulations in the Netherlands happened only 15-20 years later.

I probably won't get married. It's great for those that want to, but it's just not for everyone. The way that I see it is that if you love someone, I don't see any reason why a ring or a big fancy wedding that puts you in debt is the proof of it.....look at the divorce rate today. I've known people that are in long term relationships....5-10 years, and they have no inclination to get married, because they already have something that works for them.

If anything, I think that a massive wedding and official vows put more pressure on a couple to make things work and have things be perfect, and in some cases, I think that people would have been best off un-wed, since maybe things weren't totally right between them, but maybe they both felt pressure from their friends or family. Look at how many weddings there are where a groom or bride backs out, because of too much pressure or stress for that person being "the one". Especially if your mom and dad paid for the wedding or something like that. There's alot that can go wrong between an engagement and the official date....maybe you see something that's a huge red flag in regards to this person being the one.

Married 7 years, divorced 3. Probably gonna be a while if at all.

My parents sure didn't make marriage look too good, so I'm pretty pessimistic towards it. Getting older and watching everybody else get married would suck if I really thought about it, so I choose to just keep drinking beer and watching basketball. Good times!

Being married is awesome. I'm glad I took my time and didn't get married until I was 39 years old. I had plenty of time to be single, to have some other relationships, and to forge a bunch of ideas about what I want in the world and get established in my creative work. I found someone awesome that I love being with and who loves me. It's great. No settling for me. No settling for her. We are both super happy with things and we have really good kitchen appliances.

I still have absolutely no desire to have any fucking children and she's not interested either. Maybe one day I'll get a little dog or something but even that's probably more responsibility than I need.

Good point, it's just that culturally all those things seem to go together. Especially in the parts of the country I grew up in. I'd like to think I could get married with all that. It'd be the best of both worlds.

Ah, but shugg' there may not be a 'magic panacea' for what travails you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz0kTdcz4QI

I can tell you this much: 3 months ago my father was hospitalized for 2 weeks. Now, my parents sure didn't make marriage look that great, but seeing my father lays on the hospital bed surrounded by family made me realize that I want a family of my own some day. Wouldn't want to go through such a thing alone.

I think many people are excluding the entire rest of the world. There is still an Asia, Africa and South America out there and the cultures within these continents still value marriage very much.

I met my first wife at 22, got married at 25, had a kid at 28, split up at 33. I pretty much thought that was it for me. I didn't think anyone would be interested in a guy from a failed relationship in his 30's with a kid. I was also pretty shaken by the whole marriage thing and figured if it could all end overnight then what's the point. Then I met somone and she turned my whole outlook around. Been together 5 years now, married for 3 and a half, got a kid with another on the way and life's pretty damn good.

I am getting married next year, if all is well!

Would probably never have bothered if I were with someone who it also isn't really important to, but it will mean a lot to my lady and we already have a relationship based on all the same commitments to each other as marriage. Things have maybe been a little tough recently, seems lots of people are having a hard autumn/winter, but we are working through it. I think we have a good thing going as even dealing with the shit stuff seems to unite us.

We are however having a pretty simple wedding, minimal family, 40 people, quick civil register-signing, nosh up in a chilled restaurant, party back at our house.
Going to have a bigger thing in the woods a few weeks beforehand to satisfy the satellite friends.

Couldn't face a big 'proper' wedding with extended family etc.